Hello, reader. First post for me, first everything.
It’s May 10th, 2011. 12:32 AM.
I’m tired and blurting stuff out of random, but since I gotta start posting something, I’ll post something 😀
Today was a bit eventful, between the fact that I got Vusi to implement a redirection functionality for external blogs (while I wanted a blog engine like the old sc2practice.com website had) and between the fact that I’m feeling like crap when I look at how long the road to good skill is.
I always refuse to play games simply because I know I’m bad. Playing a game and losing it would only prove that and if I were to win it, it just means that the opponent had an off day (or was really, really, really, really, really bad – since I’m supposed to be the worst). It’s not like I don’t understand the game. I don’t know everything, but when I see a build order being executed by someone else (not me) I can see what you can do out of it. It’s the way I learn, by watching others execute and think “You can do this as well”.
Between “I think I wanna do this” and doing it, there’s this huuuuuge gap called mechanics. There’s my struggle, I can’t multitask for shit 😀 But oh well, how much do I wish to have them better. My brain is screaming defeatism at that but I’ve made quite the investment, makes me unable to just quit due to lack of drive. So, I hang around, and learn.
The one channel I hang around the most is “Bronze Practice” on the European servers. I’ll talk about it in a more extensive manner, just give it time 🙂 If, at first, I went there because I was conscious of my lack of skill (and was seriously Bronze material), it ain’t the case right now. I panic at the idea of playing against someone (or the Very Hard AI for the matter, shows you how bad I am). I don’t know why I’m Platinum, to be honest (I only played my placement matches and got thrown there out of random).
I could look at myself with objectivity and say that I might be looking down way too much at myself because I’m a perfectionist. However, I know for a fact that I shouldn’t be Platinum. My play is rigged full of “Bronzeries”, my unit positioning being the worst aspect of it all.
To allow me to build some self-confidence as far as my play was concerned, I went ahead and got me a smurf account for half the price (I bought a CD-Key from the Internet). Having never faced odd cheese, I lost my first placement game. I immediately became more wary of cheese, though, and any attempt at cheesing me after that game proved to be fruitless. But then it was time to play as Zerg and funny stuff happened 😀 – got placed Silver because of that. Had I played Protoss in that failed Muta-ling-bane game attempt, I’d have been Gold or something.
Anyway, I can’t even organize this in a coherent manner. For now, I’m terrified of playing (except when it comes to a coaching session or a build-refinement session w/ Shannn). I know that, in order to get over it, I have to play; that’s like feeding a snake its own tail… Maybe the snake would be stupid enough to kill itself, but it’s gonna take one heck of an effort.
So tired… Gotta go to sleep now ._.