Category Archives: Blurting stuff out of random


I was supposed to start my 1000-game self-challenge but League of Legends took all my gaming time. As I was going to come back to SC2, my computer’s harddrive decided to give way.

I have like… 3 months of inactivity in StarCraft II, I’ll stream most of my action from my smurf and you’ll be able to watch me fail play… However, that won’t happen just yet. You may want to be patient because it will be, at best,  a week from now until I get my beastie back 😦

So, yeah, I QQ. I wait for my computer to come back too.


Dealing with Player vs Player anxiety – With help from Fyn & Green Tea AIs

Ohai people!

Every time I am on StarCraft II, there are two things I really dread. I don’t dread it as much on League of Legends (I just tell them that I’d be detrimental to the team if we go PvP – because I’m a n00b at that game) but that’s a completely different story.

One of these things is being challenged to play a game. The other fella is this infamous little fellow that people would love or hate or love to hate. Allow me to introduce an already well-established buddy of yours as my boogeyman:

Ladder Find match button
I hope you didn’t try to click on it – you’re not on StarCraft II, you’re on a blog of someone who’s still terrified of that button (or anything that’d let him play against someone else).

Still, I will try not to give too many details (withholding some important ones in the process) but here go the reasons as to why I have a problem with these two things:

  • I am extremely competitive. If I know I’m in a position of strength, I’ll just show how far ahead I am by stomping my opponent. I also hate being on the bad side due to sheer unwillingness to fold (and consider that the opponent has an edge over me).
  • Folding means that I couldn’t do anything, that I acknowledge that the opponent was just stronger than me, that I failed. My massive fear of failure gets in the mix of things as well as me auto-berating myself.
  • Even moreso, regardless of what I do, I lose. I can’t focus enough. I am not fast enough due to my natural slow speed.

All of this, combined with something else, makes me shiver like hell before a game vs person. The least intense it gets is my brain freezes at times, repetitively. Worst is I shake and can’t even play – and hate my time in the game – and loathe myself afterwards after the obvious loss comes around.

I’ve chosen to deal with this by playing vs some more elaborate AIs (those that don’t just push at the 7mn mark all the time – i.e. not Blizzard’s).
At first, I plan to take on the Fyn AI (basically like that imba Green Tea AI, minus the maphacks – thank God) and at least beat it consistently on Medium/Hard settings (as you can see, I don’t even think I can do that – regardless of if I can do that or not). This AI acts human-ish (it has shenanigans inside). By then I know I can beat anything up to Gold league consistently and regardless of what happens.

If I can do that, I could turn to the Green Tea AI and do the same (this time raising my skill). If I survive this hell, then I think I’ll be cut to thinking: “Oh this dude acts just like an AI” and procede to dismantle that person.

So yeah, I am taking this road to boost my own self-confidence. If I can beat the Fyn AI and not Green Tea, then meh – I still can ladder. I still must beat the Fyn AI consistently.


Hello, reader. First post for me, first everything.
It’s May 10th, 2011. 12:32 AM.

I’m tired and blurting stuff out of random, but since I gotta start posting something, I’ll post something 😀
Today was a bit eventful, between the fact that I got Vusi to implement a redirection functionality for external blogs (while I wanted a blog engine like the old website had) and between the fact that I’m feeling like crap when I look at how long the road to good skill is.

I always refuse to play games simply because I know I’m bad. Playing a game and losing it would only prove that and if I were to win it, it just means that the opponent had an off day (or was really, really, really, really, really bad – since I’m supposed to be the worst). It’s not like I don’t understand the game. I don’t know everything, but when I see a build order being executed by someone else (not me) I can see what you can do out of it. It’s the way I learn, by watching others execute and think “You can do this as well”.

Between “I think I wanna do this” and doing it, there’s this huuuuuge gap called mechanics. There’s my struggle, I can’t multitask for shit 😀 But oh well, how much do I wish to have them better. My brain is screaming defeatism at that but I’ve made quite the investment, makes me unable to just quit due to lack of drive. So, I hang around, and learn.

The one channel I hang around the most is “Bronze Practice” on the European servers. I’ll talk about it in a more extensive manner, just give it time 🙂 If, at first, I went there because I was conscious of my lack of skill (and was seriously Bronze material), it ain’t the case right now. I panic at the idea of playing against someone (or the Very Hard AI for the matter, shows you how bad I am). I don’t know why I’m Platinum, to be honest (I only played my placement matches and got thrown there out of random).

I could look at myself with objectivity and say that I might be looking down way too much at myself because I’m a perfectionist. However, I know for a fact that I shouldn’t be Platinum. My play is rigged full of “Bronzeries”, my unit positioning being the worst aspect of it all.

To allow me to build some self-confidence as far as my play was concerned, I went ahead and got me a smurf account for half the price (I bought a CD-Key from the Internet). Having never faced odd cheese, I lost my first placement game. I immediately became more wary of cheese, though, and any attempt at cheesing me after that game proved to be fruitless. But then it was time to play as Zerg and funny stuff happened 😀 – got placed Silver because of that. Had I played Protoss in that failed Muta-ling-bane game attempt, I’d have been Gold or something.

Anyway, I can’t even organize this in a coherent manner. For now, I’m terrified of playing (except when it comes to a coaching session or a build-refinement session w/ Shannn). I know that, in order to get over it, I have to play; that’s like feeding a snake its own tail… Maybe the snake would be stupid enough to kill itself, but it’s gonna take one heck of an effort.

So tired… Gotta go to sleep now ._.